Turn the Other Cheek

Those famous .. Walt Whitman words, I believe =), certainly ring true! Now, in all seriousness, I came about as close to being in a fight since the age 10. There's no denying, I was quite the scrappy 10-year-old.

I think I have written a few times where I have been harassed, generally by older Korean men, at various locales throughout Seoul. Not to break the mold, this fight almost came to be with an older Korean man in Seoul (I'll ballpark him at about age 45, 5'6, and one who has taken a rather liberal stance on physical fitness to give him a little illustration).

I was riding the subway to Seoul, a solid 30 minutes behind the rest of my compatriots. I was on the train, quiet of course since I was by myself, and generally keeping to myself when I heard this man start yelling. I gave him a quick glance but as he kept going I thought Surely this isn't directed at me. Well, it was directed at me - 100% of it in fact. He really laid into me too, and I would've been obliged to take offense had I known what he was saying. After about 5 minutes of him yelling at me as I tossed in a "Mian hamida, anyo Hangeul" (I'm sorry, no Korean) the few times I could get a word in, I reached the Evan Daniel breaking point. Commence the stare down!! He had been staring at me this whole time while I had been generally avoiding eye contact. I released the hounds - I looked him in the eyes for about 45 seconds or so and he finally stopped yelling and stopped looking at me. I sat down though the only vacant chair was directly in front of him. He really hit his boiling point after I crossed my legs in front of him and started shaking my foot. There is a Korean custom that I was previously unaware of that dictates that you should not cross your legs in front of your elders. The custom seems to more accurately follow the practice of "Don't cross your legs when your elders are yelling at you."

I had gone back to avoiding eye contact by the way. In fact, I was texting my friend Carmine something along the lines of "HELP ME." No matter, my leg shaking was enough to send him out of his seat. He walked over to me, standing directly over me, and started yelling at my leg again. I almost forgot to mention that every Korean on the train outside a 10-foot vicinity were staring directly at us. Those within the danger zone pretended that all was well with the world. Any other Koreans I made eye contact with gave me what I can only describe as an "I'm sorry this is happening to you" look. By this point, I have apologized ten times to a man standing directly over me with his fist clenched at cocked behind his head ready to hit me for whatever it is I did to him.

Now, for those wondering why I summoned the patience of Job, let me throw in a quick technicality on deportation. If you fight a Korean citizen, you will probably get deported 10 times outta 10. There are very few extenuating circumstances. Had this taken place in America, I would have helped this man sit back in his seat regardless of whether he wanted my aid, told him to leave me alone, and be done with it. Here in Korea however, I took the road less traveled by. Plus, you never know what level of crazy someone brings to the table, and I'm content to go through life never finding out!!

My saving grace was that I was only two stops from my destination. I waited him out, took another 2-3 minutes of abuse wondering if he would hit me or not and how I would respond, and exited the train. As he stood over me I got into the most relaxed, I-don't-want-to-fight stances I have ever mustered. It was very Sean Penn in Fast Times. I managed to escape incredibly irked but unscathed.

And for any of my EPIK'ers who might follow the joke, this was NOT time for a "This is a kill" references.