Poetry in Motion

I remember the precise moment I came across Emerson's Success. I found it in a “Peace and Nonviolence” course during senior year in high school. It was late morning and as I was getting ready for lunch and lazily flipping through the textbook, I found this boxed, pink excerpt. We passed right over it as far as class was concerned. I had seen the poem in passing a few times but doubt I had ever taken the time to read it. I did, however, take the time that day, and I read and reread and reread. Since that day, all those years ago, it has served as an absolute truth for me. People go their whole lives struggling to determine why we are here and what we ought to be doing. I was fortunate enough to have my answer fall into my lap at age 17.

It's felt like a vindication of the way I have been and am today. I would have a difficult time calling that poem anything other than religious doctrine. The only two distinct memories I maintain from that class were finding Emerson and getting a grasp on Gus Leal, my future roommate. Though Success made the class worthwhile on its own, Gus provided the icing on the cake (I think he still owes me three "frog-skins," however). Anyhoo, this post is not about Gus, to the chagrin of many, nor does it center on Johnny Tillotson. The day I blog about Johnny Tillotson is the official moment I ran outta blogging material three years prior.

No, this post is about distinguishing between what defines me (as much as one thing possibly could) and what drives me (again, as much as one thing could).

What defines me is this poem. What drives me, especially as of late, is Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken. I know, I know -- I happened to pick two of the most famous poems around. Great minds think alike, I suppose.

The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

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I am aware that there are two very different translations of this poem. One follows the literal interpretation in terms of self-discovery and individualism, while the other is an ironic take dealing with rationalizing our own personal decisions throughout our past to make peace with them. Using this poem as a driving motivation in life keeps me aware that if Frost's intentions reflect the latter explanation, it would put me in the subgroup of grooms and brides who dance to "Every Breath You Take" by The Police at their wedding. So be it. but let me quickly segue.(Condolences to any couple whose song is "Every Breath You Take" by The Police)

I know a particular girl who once told me, upon noticing me for the first time, that I appeared "too cool for school." This is something that has stayed with me for reasons less ego-driven and obvious than you might initially presume. It is not in my particular nature to burst out and be a huge risk taker and while I can only speak for my own nature, I would bet that I am not the only one who's in this lifeboat. If I appear TCFS, as the kids call it, it usually means I am out of my element (the aforementioned episode did take place in a math class) and have looked inward for solace. I know a few people, though, whose nature is to approach things with a healthy dose of reckless abandon, especially when out of their element. I deeply admire that quality and greatly wish I possessed it. I don't. A certain logic has always guided me that made this quality come a little harder -- though it has really shaped my Risk and Diplomacy skills so it ain’t all bad. The risks have always been slightly more calculated though slightly less rewarding, personally. This TCFS business is the personal illustration that kept me focused on veering away from it and kept me steadied on Frost.

I take The Road Not Taken as a muse. It is to me a melancholic challenge. It challenges me to choose the right way and to stick to that path even when the other is not lost. The awareness that we cannot take every opportunity opened to us is sobering. Making one decision closes us off from another one. It challenges me to succumb to the potential loss of cool-points in favor of decisions that keep me on my own path. I know quite well that the regret of not doing something far outweighs the immediate embarrassment of messing up. Practically everything I've learned in Korea has come through error.

Frost's work doesn't define me, yet. It guides me, and on a long enough timeline I won't have to approach things with a purposeful mind towards finding that path so much as letting it fall into place. I think in many ways it's already set in motion. I feel like I have always marched to my own drum; I'm just making sure the beat is in tune.

You can go ahead and listen to your friend Billy Zane; he's a cool dude. I'll be challenging Hansel to a walk-off precisely because he's so hot right now. If I end up with underwear riding high, I'll do so holding my head to match it.